It has been a hard few days with the girls. They both have colds. Tilly's is mainly moaning and drippy nose based. Martha's consists of a really dry horrid cough. This normally appears in the evening and in the morning. She has been a bit sick from coughing once and so we are trying to prevent it happening again. (There is only so much washing I can cope with!)
The last 2 days she has been up at 5 AM coughing. In case you didn't know, there is about 3 hours between 5.50am and 6.10am. I don't know how some people get up at 5. It just seems wrong. I see that number on the clock and I think.... NO! It is time for more sleep.
Anyway. I have been awake since 5 this morning. Martha coughed on and off for about an hour and did finally go back to sleep for a little bit (till 6.30am). But I didn't really. So the day started off tired.
Tilly has been really moany. She just wants to be held. And by Daddy. Not Mummy. Daddy. (I'm really looking forward to tomorrow!) She really didn't want to go down for her nap today. I was trying to get a bit of sleep so I would function for the rest of the day and Nick was hoovering out the car. I just wanted her to stop shouting and GO TO SLEEP. I was so cross and tired. It felt so unfair. I went in and accidentally trod in a tiny bit of sick from all her coughing. Which really improved my sate of mind! And Tilly just looked ... damp. And wretched. And I realised that underneath all my crossness and tiredness there was love. Lots and lots of love. I just had to stop look underneath all the grumpiness and there it was, all the time.
My children drive me mad some days. And we have had a few recently. But I love them in such an overwhelming way. All I needed to do was pay attention to the love and not to the black cloud over my head and their un-reasonable behaviour (although still un-reasonable) was bearable.
God pointed out to me that this season in my children's lives is designed to teach me, not them, patience. (Their turn comes later.) And like all things worth learning this takes time. And struggle. And bad days. And good days. Success and failure. I will get there in the end.
And then I will be in the perfect position to teach them. I look forward to that. That and making them get up at stupidly early hours when they don’t want to!
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